Missing Mum *** EDITED VERSION ***

There isn't a day that goes by when I don't think about my dearest Mum but the milestones and 'major life events' have to be the hardest. GSCEs, A Levels, flunking Uni (!!), my first proper job in London, moving to Australia, getting engaged & then married have all been bittersweet without Mum being here to share in them but I have to say that my newest journey - pregnancy - is definitely proving the most challenging.

Don't get me wrong - I have limitless love, amazing support, kindness and generosity from Adam, my fabulous extended family & wonderful friends - but there are times when I would give anything for Mum to still be here so I could ask her the odd question or hear first-hand how she found pregnancy, childbirth & motherhood.

Luckily for me, Mum was a writer... just like I am now (although I must say I'm not nearly as good as she was) - and she wrote the most beautiful diary when she was pregnant with me and during my first years. My fantastic Dad very kindly dug this out for me the other day and posted it out for me to read - which I have - with great interest, a few tears and a lot of laughs. It seems silly but by just looking at Mum's beautiful hand-writing and reading the words in my head it's almost as if I can hear her voice which is a lovely, comforting feeling.

At lot of things Mum wrote about in her diary I knew already - the 'fertility dance' with the Morris Men shortly before she found out she was pregnant with me, the incident where Mark accidently tipped me out of my cot (thanks Bro!) and tumbling down the stairs during one of my inquisitive adventures - that could explain a lot - ha ha - but there were also other little bits and pieces which I didn't know and which I found absolutely fascinating. 

My previous post included a few excerpts from Mum's diary but I've realised that perhaps it wasn't the best thing to share such intimate, private thoughts & words that don't belong to me with such a wide audience so I've edited this post to remove them. I will, however, leave you with my own words above as  I really wanted to share my sentiments with you all.


I'll leave you with a photo of me & my beloved Mum - I hope she's looking down on us...